She’s always sorry.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbles after every mistake. Every slip up of words, or an accidental small bump into someone’s arm. It isn’t a big deal, and she’s made it so. Her face looks disappointed, almost disgusted in what she has done. You cannot help but wonder “why?” “What’s going on with her?” 

In my case, the “sorry syndrome” stems from a fear of not meeting the standard that many woman feel held too. The constant feeling of letting someone down sits permanently in the back of my mind. Growing up, I never felt that I was good enough for anything. Middle school and high school, I never seemed to fit in. I didn’t have many friends. I was always one of the boys. I liked football and skateboarding. I could care less about make up and nail polish. I wasn’t pretty, or skinny. I would watch other girls gang together laughing and gossiping. “Why didn’t they want to hang out with me?” “Why was I more interested in playing outside than dressing up?”  

I remember the first time I started excessively apologizing for myself. (I have these hideous veins under my eyes) and most of the time I was picked on for them. The other kids would make fun of me. Once, a boy gave a rose to all of the girls in class except me. He said he miscounted, but I didn’t believe it. All I could say was “I’m sorry, it’s not a big deal.” When deep down, it was a big deal. 

Fast forward 15 years, I’ve let that go as well as the scrutiny. I have become an amazing mother, and a wonderful woman. I have an amazing career, and I am loved. I have fought through more struggles. I didn’t Succumb to the millennial stigma. I MADE it. 

Occasionally, I still over apologize. I think it’s more of an impulse\habit now. 

As always,

Artistically yours 

#art

#happiness

#keeptrucking

#hardwork

#life

#keepitmoving

#momlife

#strength

#create

#workhard

#joy