I hate the grocery store

Good Morning!

I have a love/hate relationship with the grocery store. I wanted my first blog to capture the essence of my carefree nature. It's crazy, but a hilariously good read. Enjoy!

Now, you might be asking yourself..."Why does she hate the grocery store?" First, it's too expensive. Why are we paying so much money for a necessity? Second, the overcrowded, tight aisle atmosphere has me uncomfortable from the moment I step foot beyond the registers. (Especially my local Shoprite, EHT is a big town, the cramped floor layout wasn't their best idea and definitely doesn't suit the needs of our people). Third, it's COLD! Listen, I get it, a warmer store doesn't help preserve shelf life. However, I believe you could definitely turn down the tundra setting just a little bit, thanks. Last, but certainly not least, it's BORING. If you're not hungry and don't like to cook, it's a snoozefest. Often, I traipse around each aisle (usually following the slowest person in the store) searching for some shred of entertainment. This usually gets me into trouble. This leads me to my first story, about a jar of Nutella.

Jeff and I were living in Hammonton, at the time and there was a local food store relatively close to our house. He approaches me one morning and says (the words I never want to hear) "Krystal, we need to go grocery shopping." I roll my eyes and try to make every single excuse I could possibly think of to get me out of this trip to the grocery store. He stands strong, and I am forced to go. We pull into the parking lot and get out of the car. Jeff tells me he has to go get a cart, and this is the point where I have begun to plot my plan. Talking myself up, " You will make this trip interesting, somehow, Krystal, you got this!" We enter the store, and Jeff begins loading our cart with groceries, and we head for the chip aisle. I look down to the bottom shelf, and I see three HUGE 3lb bags of circus popcorn (they're almost as long as my 5ft tall self). Jeff disappeared into the next aisle, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity.  These bags of popcorn were speaking to me. I grabbed three of them, and I started heading for Jeff. He looks up at me and immediately shakes his head, "No Krystal, we do not need that much popcorn." Little did he know, I didn't actually want them. I begin walking around the store with the popcorn, and I see "Target One". This woman who was buying meat left her cart unattended (mind you Jeff is whispering to me over and over again to "put down the popcorn".) After knocking over a few cookie trays in the bakery aisle (which was a hilarious accident, because the popcorn was becoming too big for me to hold) I did "put them down"...in the meat ladies cart! Funnier part of that, she looked in her cart, shrugged her shoulders at the popcorn and kept walking. (You're welcome!) 

It was then, I got a warning from Jeff. I was laughing, and finally enjoying my time at the grocery store, but he wasn't finding it so funny. He kept rolling his eyes, glaring at me but kept shopping. We were at our last aisle, (the frozen food) and again as he shopped I disappeared. Only to find, A GOLD MINE of entertainment on the end cap. There were jars of Nutella. It was in that moment, I knew I had hit the motherload. I grab the Nutella from the shelf, open it, and smear it all over my face and arms. Then, I begin looking for Jeff... I peek around the frozen aisle, and there he is (same spot), but the aisle had gotten busier. IT WAS GAME TIME. I started skipping down the aisle "JEFFFFFFF!" He looks up at me, and his whole face got so red. I could hardly control my laughter. He YELLS at me "WHAT THE F*** IS THAT?"...(this is one of the times, where I stand by my phrase, don't ask the questions you don't want the answers to.) I exclaim "ITS POOP!" Everyone was looking at Jeff and I. He was so embarrassed, but I was no longer bored. He literally put the whole cart away and pulled me out of the store by my wrist. (I still had the Nutella on my face, so people were still staring, and it was hilarious). 

We got into the car, and he looked at me and said: "I will never take you to the grocery store again." I leaned the seat back and smiled. I looked over at him and said: "Mission accomplished."

Keep looking daily for more blog posts.

As Always,

Kreated By Krystal (a.k.a Artistically Yours)

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